I’m tired.

Keep going. Just keep swimming. Don’t give up.

I am so tired of pushing forward all the time. When will it become easier and when will I just feel relaxed and happy again? I should be happy, I adore my girls and I have a good life. I just miss the days when I didn’t need medication to feel alright and when life wasn’t so hard.

When my mother didn’t have lung cancer and my mother in law didn’t have breast cancer. Marriage was easy and I had things in common with my husband and we didn’t piss each other off every single day.

Frida wasn’t anxious and Pip wasn’t exhausted from kindergarten. Best friends weren’t living far away and family were close by and able to help with the kids.

I know I have things a lot easier than so many others. I have my health and my kids are well. They go to an excellent school and I have a good job and my husband earns good money. We have a beautiful home in a good neighbourhood. And yet, I feel so tired.

Some days I want to just run away. Take my girls and just go somewhere. Somewhere with no work, no school, no appointments and no medications. That, or just crawl into bed for a few days.

This too shall pass. I know this and I also know that I am just feeling overwhelmed. In a normal year, this is when we all start feeling tired. The kids are exhausted, money is tight and there is so much to do and organise. 2020 has been exceptionally bad for everyone and it is only adding to the subconscious feelings of stress, anxiety and exhaustion.

I will keep swimming. I have to keep swimming but I wouldn’t mind running away from this life just for a little while.

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